What to Write in a Sympathy Card

Every sympathy card arrives with a printed verse and a blank space under it, and the blank space is where people get stuck. We have watched friends draft three versions on scrap paper before writing anything in the card.

Our advice, from the cards readers have told us they kept: write one true sentence, then sign your name. 'I loved his laugh.' 'She taught me to drive.' 'I'm bringing soup on Thursday.' The cards that were kept almost never said more than that.

The cards that were thrown away tended to explain. They reached for meaning, compared losses, or promised that time would help. None of that is wrong, exactly. It just asks the grieving reader to do work, and that is the one thing they can't do yet.

If you knew the person, say one thing you remember. If you didn't, say one thing you'll do. Then stop. The blank space is allowed to stay mostly blank.